LESLEY PROSKO

​Let’s preface this essay by pointing out that I am nowhere near being a minority. I am white, blond, petite and relatively attractive. I literally could be the poster child for white privilege. I am aware of it. I do not stand out in a crowd. I grew up in middle class Canada. I have always had access to education, healthcare, safety. There was some bullying in school, but I was never a part of, or subject to, it. There was no social media. I truly believed I could do, and be, anything that I put my mind to. I was sheltered. And not because my parents wanted to shield me from the big, bad world, but because the big, bad world wasn’t in my universe.

My only “shortcoming” is that I am a woman. And to be honest, when I first started writing this, I didn’t think this was such a big flaw. I mean women burned their bras, and protested and things happened. We got the vote. We were allowed to own property and go to university or college. We gained rights in custody and divorce cases, sexual discrimination and harassment. We were given reproductive rights with access to contraceptives and abortions. So when did the feminist movement stop? 

I said above that I initially was going down a different path, speaking of the many minorities out there that are still discriminated against, but then the USA Presidential Election happened. Politics aside, a man who has been known for his hate speech, a convicted criminal, a misogynist, was elected over a woman. And I would love to say that her gender had nothing to do with it, but in the three times that President Trump ran for government, both times he won were against strong women, and his only loss was to another old white guy. Is it possible that there are still that many people that would just not vote for a Woman to lead the country? Or could this just be a coincidence? 

The ruling of Wade v Roe by the supreme court in 1973 was a victory for women to have the constitutional right to abortion. Though viewed as controversial from the start, it was the perfect example of separation of church and state. However, the whole church vs state ideal just means that religion does not want government interference, but religion should still be considered in the development of government policy. And thus religion prevailed with the overturning of the ruling in 2022, placing all decision making in to the hands of state leaders, with some states enacting a complete ban on abortion, leading to women having to travel to other states or countries to receive potentially life saving procedures. This isn’t pro-life vs pro-choice, this is a woman’s ability to make choices about her own body, and not letting some old, white, man in government make that decision. 

When I was in University, I got a degree in Athletic Therapy and primarily worked with men’s sports team throughout my time there. This was never an issue for me or my players. Perhaps my sheltered life had me thinking that if you were the best candidate for the job, you would get said job. Then I graduated and applied for several sports teams. Men’s sports teams. Because, lets face it, men’s sports have more money, more fans, thus more opportunities. This wasn’t lost on me. I had been in sports most of my life. The world is increasingly getting behind women’s sports, but they have not, and likely will never become as popular as their male counterparts. 

But back to working with men’s teams, I had applied for several jobs, but the two that stuck out was a hockey team and a football team. One was part of a “recruitment” event at the end of school. I had the lead trainer for said professional team tell me that I was “the best trainer they has seen in a while, but they could not take me because I was a girl.” The other let me complete the entire interview before giving me basically the same answer. I was pissed. Tell me I suck so that I can get better. This was something that I couldn’t do anything about. Well I mean there are things I could do, but I identified then, and still do now, as a woman, so I wasn’t about to make any gender changing decisions just to get a job. 

Was I angry about it? Yes. Did it end any prospects I ever had of employment? Not exactly, but in that specific niche that I dedicated five years of post-secondary education to, yes. What it told me was that women did gain the right to employment, this right did not exactly extend to “Men’s” jobs. We still get paid less, get passed up for promotions that we deserve, and get discriminated against if we are of child bearing years because a maternity leave will be inconvenient to the company’s momentum. But we are still required by law to continue with said pregnancy. See the contradiction there. 

The NHL team the Seattle Kraken recently hired Jessica Campbell as a full time assistant coach and there were grown men saying they couldn’t watch hockey anymore, among other misogynistic views I refuse to repeat here. Just because she is a female. Erin Andrews has been a sports reporter for years, and has endured comments about her looks throughout. From sexualizing her without crediting her hard work, to more recently saying she is now too old and her wrinkles can be seen on TV. Has a male TV personality ever been told they are too old for the camera? I mean Tom Brokaw finally retired at the age of 80 years old, and no one ever said he had too many wrinkles. 

Women always have, and always will, have to worry about their safety when they leave the house. Heck, a lot of women still have to worry inside their homes. We are generally smaller, and thus considered more vulnerable when walking alone. We have to learn self defense, constantly look over our shoulders to see if anyone is following us. 1 in 3 women worldwide have reportedly been subject to physical or sexual violence, either from an intimate partner or stranger. In October, 2024, Saoirse Ronan essentially broke the internet after she appeared on The Graham Norton Show with fellow actors Eddie Redmayne and Paul Mescal as they joked about Redmayne learning how to use a cell phone as a self defense tool. With one sentence, “Thats what girls have to think about all the time,” the men were silenced and the internet went wild. I don’t want this to seem like I am bashing these men, because I am not, but it is a perfect example of vast gender differences that still exist in society, regardless of countless rallies to “Take Back the Night” dating back to the late 1870s.

As a paramedic, I have been in many dangerous situations. I have been punched by patients in the throws of drug intoxication. I have been called many derogatory names. I have made my partner stop the ambulance and kick patients out for being inappropriate. I once had the family member of a patient tell me “you should not be speaking to him, you need to know your roll,” as they got right in my face. I calmly replied with “You called me, and women have rights in this country,” then I called for police backup as I truly believe he believed he was allowed to physical harm me. With a police escort and my male partner in the back of the ambulance with his son, we brought him to a hospital with only female nurses and doctors working that night. They were asked to leave the hospital approximately ten minutes later. It felt very vindicating. 

I am, in no way, saying that women’s rights are more important than the many struggles that so many minorites encounter daily. I have never had to wear a yellow star on my clothing because of my religion. I have never had my entire family executed in concentration camps because of what I believe in. I have never been pulled over by the police and was terrified that I might get shot. In fact, I have gotten out of speeding tickets likely because I was a white, attractive female. I have never had sexual feelings for someone of my same gender and feared letting that be known due to prejudice and violence, sometimes occurring from their own family members. I have never felt uncomfortable in my gender or body and knew that I was different. I have never been afraid to tell my parents anything for fear that they would disown me. 

There are so many inequalities, prejudices, and discrimination in this world that break my heart. This does not make me “woke.” This makes me a human, who feels empathy and sympathy for others struggles. This is simply the injustice that currently keeps me up at night. And I have only highlighted the tip of the iceberg on this. Maybe it’s that little girl I was that grew up empowered and full of dreams. Maybe it’s because I am also raising a little girl who I want to believe the same. Maybe I actually am a feminist, and that is something that I take pride in. Do we need to start burning our bras again ladies?


References

Callaway, David. n.d. “Separation of Church and State: Definition, History and More.” Freedom Forum. https://www.freedomforum.org/separation-of-church-and-state/.

The Editors of Encyclopaedia Britannica. 1999. “Roe v. Wade | Summary, Origins, Right to Privacy, & Overturning.” Britannica. https://www.britannica.com/event/Roe-v-Wade.

Take Back The Night Foundation. 2001. “Take Back the Night | End Sexual & Domestic Violence.” Take Back The Night. https://takebackthenight.org/.

Temme, Laura, and Ally Marshall. 2023. “Roe v. Wade Case Summary: What You Need to Know - FindLaw.” Supreme Court. https://supreme.findlaw.com/supreme-court-insights/roe-v--wade-case-summary--what-you-need-to-know.html.

Wilson, Brock. 2024. “Saoirse Ronan silences male stars with reaction to self-defence joke.” CBC, October 28, 2024. https://www.cbc.ca/news/entertainment/saoirse-ronan-silences-male-stars-with-reaction-to-self-defense-joke-1.7365426.

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It all started when we were faced with what we would learn is an all-too-common parenting dilemma. Our daughter, then 8 years old, came home from school, clearly upset over being excluded from her group of friends. It was the first time we had faced this type of social situation, but we would soon learn it would not be the last.

Over the months that followed, we did our best to help her navigate some pretty painful social situations. We even created some helpful tools and dialogue to help her build her confidence and resilience. However, after one particular hurtful experience, we took to social media, posting anonymously about our experience in a parenting Facebook group.

Within an hour, our post was flooded with responses, each parent sharing their own painful experiences or that of their daughters. Many parents shared having to take drastic measures, like transferring schools or opting to homeschool their child. Many shared that this is just what happens, the female equivalent of “boys will be boys”.

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